Psychology
The Art of Loving
CevvelaPsychology
The Art of Loving
Erich Fromm · Say Yayınları · 1956
8
Cevvela Score
7.8 (4.373 oy)
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Summary
A masterpiece that argues that love is not a spontaneous emotion, but rather an “art” that must be learned, cultivated, and practiced. A psychological and sociological analysis that examines how modern capitalist society has turned human beings into commodities, thereby making true love impossible.
Quotes from Cevvela
“Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a “standing in,” not a “falling for.””
“If I love only one other person, this is not love but a shared egotism.”
“Whoever cannot stand being alone clings to another.”
“Most people see the problem of love as being loved, rather than loving.”
“Love is union under the condition of preserving one’s integrity, one’s individuality.”
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Reader Score: 7.8 / 10(4.373 votes)
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Fromm takes the fallacy of “finding the right person”—which romantic comedies have ingrained in our minds—and throws it aside. While proving that love is not a “state” but an “action,” he slaps us in the face with how capitalism has turned relationships into a barter market. He says that if you can’t stand on your own two feet, your love is nothing but parasitism. This is the counterpart in relationships to Cevvela’s call to “find your true self.” It ruthlessly reveals that those who try to fill the void within themselves with another person do not actually love—they merely exploit. You are shaken by the realization that most of the moments when you say, “I love you,” are actually just about “using” someone. Loving is not a choice; it is a matter of capacity.