Adults Who Only Pretend
CevvelaAdults Who Only Pretend
Doğan Cüceloğlu · Remzi Kitabevi · 1994
Summary
"Adults Who Act 'As If' " is a book that offers a profound psychological analysis of human behavior and social relationships. The book addresses the “pretend” behaviors we learn starting in childhood and continue into adulthood. These behaviors involve individuals hiding their true feelings, thoughts, and sense of self in order to gain social acceptance or meet others’ expectations. The book examines how individuals develop these types of behaviors and how they persist into adulthood. The author discusses how these “pretend” behaviors suppress individuals’ authentic selves and how this situation can negatively impact their psychological well-being. By offering readers an inner journey, the book helps them recognize their own “pretend” behaviors and provides practical suggestions for living a more authentic life. The author guides individuals toward better self-understanding and helps them shed these false behaviors so they can lead healthier and happier lives in alignment with their true selves.
Quotes from Cevvela
“A person who has not been able to establish a connection with their inner world seeks to fill the loneliness within themselves through the relationships they form with others.”
“So do these mothers and fathers have children just to oppress them or to do them harm?”
“A child who grows up feeling looked down upon and ashamed of their true self tries to hide that shame by looking down on others. Looking down on and belittling others can become a part of their character.”
“People who grow up happy find a happy side to most situations. Those who grow up unhappy, on the other hand, find an unhappy side to most situations. The number of events that would make them happy is virtually nonexistent.”
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The book "Adults Who Act as If" offers psychologically rich content that takes an in-depth look at the false behaviors individuals exhibit in pursuit of social acceptance and approval. The book encourages readers to question how much they act “as if” in their own lives and to recognize how such behaviors hinder their personal growth. The author’s use of accessible language to explain psychological concepts—supported by personal anecdotes—makes the book both engaging and thought-provoking. However, the book occasionally features repetitions and the same points being emphasized in different ways, which may prove tedious for some readers. Nevertheless, “Adults Who Pretend” carries a powerful message: Stripping away our false selves to reach our authentic selves is vital for both our psychological well-being and our social relationships. The book offers practical suggestions that can help individuals gain awareness in this area and lead more authentic and fulfilling lives.